did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
