Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
