the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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