I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
