my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
