You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
