i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
