Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
