Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
