He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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