THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
