ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
