just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Randomize
