Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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