Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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