Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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