Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
