are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And then he peed in my hair
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