A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
