I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
