Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
