i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize