I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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