Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
