Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
