dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
