loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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