Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think I just sharted jello shots
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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