There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize