This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
