as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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