Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
