We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
