new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
