I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
