Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
