I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
