Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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