For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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