It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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