At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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