I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
