i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
