My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i jhust puked up my retainher.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize