True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
