Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
