Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
nutella sex= disaster
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
