i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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