it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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