just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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