if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
