he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize