babies were throwing up all over the place
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
bring money and cleavage
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
