I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
