fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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