I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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