just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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