none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If I die, sorry about rent.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
