You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
