I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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