I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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