I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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