in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
