Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize