when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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