one two three fourrrrnication!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
