i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
