Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Welp...herpes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
