Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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