How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
