the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
