I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
