The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
