i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
