I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
