i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
