she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize