so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
