He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
