you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
