bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
