I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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