Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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