I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
