You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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