rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
don't judge my taste in strippers
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
