this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
