Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize