i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
