Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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