i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
3 2 1 whiskey
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
