spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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