sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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