Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
