Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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