tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize