I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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