Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
