apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
