1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
