No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize